Wedding Wednesday: Hunting the Perfect Dress

I said “Yes” to the dress with my Aunt Susan, Best Friend Abby and my mama at Maddison Row in Charleston, SC back in June, 2015.

Have you ever watched one of those TV shows about shopping for a wedding dress? Something about “saying yes?”

I have. And almost every episode I happen to see I find myself perplexed at the scenario in which the Bride inevitably finds herself. In tears sometimes she wonders why none of the 160 people there with her like the dress she likes. She tries on a dress thousands of dollars outside her budget and then becomes angry when her parent or loved one can’t or won’t pay up. Maybe she has no idea of what she’s even looking for, and is overwhelmed by all the choices.

The day after I bought my wedding dress I was in the car heading back home from Charleston. (I lived in North Carolina at the time and traveled to Charleston, SC to search for my gown,) I remember talking to my then fiancé with a HUGE grin on my face. Simply put, I’d had the most amazing weekend dress shopping, and I was absolutely in love with the dress I bought. That dress was what I’d get to wear when I said “I do,” and in my heart I knew it was everything I’d hoped it would be. Unlike most of the Brides on the TV shows, I had a truly amazing experience, and I’ll treasure the memory that day forever.

So here on this Wedding Wednesday I thought I’d share a few points about I believe helped my dress shopping experience be one of the sweetest memories of my own wedding planning journey.

Go shopping by yourself first.

This may sound a little crazy, but believe me- it may have been the single greatest step I took to make the actual dress search go so smoothly. I’d love to take credit for being smart enough to plan it, but it actually happened largely by accident. I was in Charleston with some time to spare. There were several shops nearby I knew carried wedding gowns. On a lark, I called Maddison Row and talked to the manager Lindsey who answered the phone. I told her I wasn’t officially dress shopping, but I would be very soon and asked if there was the possibility of coming in to look to help me get an idea of what I may be interested in when the time actually came. (Madison Row is a salon in Charleston that operates by appointment only.) Lindsey was so gracious and let me know there was definitely time for me to stop by. I skipped (no, literally- I SKIPPED) over to the store where Lindsey met me with a grin. She asked me some general questions; most of which I couldn’t answer because we weren’t even engaged yet! (I know something was coming, just didn’t know exactly when. :)) Lindsey walked me around the shop and showed me different styles, shapes, fabrics, designers. She gave me some thoughts about the ‘wearability’ of each style so I could give some thought to what I wanted to feel like on that day. I did actually try on about 5-6 gowns that day. Again- not to find the actual dress, but just to compare the feel of the different styles and see what I thought my budget might buy.

Here’s why this was so helpful:

1. I got a LOT of food for thought. There were a couple of styles I saw immediately were just NOT the styles for my body type or what I wanted to feel like. Those were then crossed off the list of possibilities, and that was valuable. I’d be able to clearly articulate to anyone else I spoke with a general feel for what I was looking for when the actual dress appointment came.

2. Going by myself gave me the chance to get a feel for what I wanted, how I felt in the dresses and what I thought looked best. I didn’t want to get caught up in the frenzy of opinions flying at me from people I loved as I was trying to make my own decision.

3. When I invited the couple of people to come with me on. the ‘real’ appointment I could let them know a little bit about what I knew I wanted, and they could have those thoughts in their mind as we began looking together. I wanted to have them help me stay true to what I wanted to convey with my dress rather than get caught up in a moment once I had one on.

4. It gave me some ideas of how much money gowns cost. There would not be sticker shock when I was already in love with a dress. My husband and I paid for our own wedding, so we were able to set a framework for the budget of the dress based on this experience.

5. I started a relationship with someone in the shop. Because it was a little while from the date of that first appointment to ‘peek’ at the dresses until I went to actually buy mine, Lindsey kept me in mind as she got new items in. When I went back to Madison Row on official dress shopping day, she greeted me with “I’ve got something you’re gonna love,'“ and she was right. (I ended up buying that dress!)

It doesn’t take a village to pick out a gown.

I literally can not stress this enough. Do not- I repeat DO NOT- invite everyone you know on your dress shopping appointment. Take people you trust and want to be part of the experience with you. Invite people you know will observe and participate with your wishes in mind; not their own personal agendas. After all, this is YOUR wedding dress.

I already mentioned my husband and I paid for our own wedding, so I didn’t have the stress of feeling like I owed someone a say in my dress simply because they were paying for the gown on my behalf. If you find yourself in that scenario, I recommend having a conversation with that person/people ahead of the appointment to share your thoughts or concerns. It may not guarantee they won’t want to have a final say in your decision, but it will at least open up the avenues of communication with them so you’re aware of any potential land mines waiting just behind the tulle train.

Not every Bridesmaid has to come. Your friend you’ve known since Kindergarten who you took swimming lessons with can see a picture afterward; She doesn’t have to come. Your 16 cousins and their best friends don’t have to come. Keep your tribe small. I PROMISE YOU there are other opportunities to celebrate with the whole tribe after the dress decision is made. Invite a couple of voices you trust most and kindly thank everyone else for their excitement about your upcoming special day.

Rather than accompany you on the dress buying experience you could invite everyone to:

1. Help you prep for your appointment to look at Bridal magazines together. Serve some champagne and play a game. Everyone chooses the worst possible dress for you and their favorite dress for you.

2. Make a reservation for Dinner the day of your dress buying appointment and invite the tribe to toast the selection. Show them a picture of you from the shop if you feel like you want to let them see.

3. Invite a different friend or small group to your first fitting or any subsequent fitting. Share meaningful experiences with an individual or small group where you can really make memories together that will stand the test of time. Less IS more when it comes to this experience.

4. Go back to the top of this section and read it again before you invite the people who will shop with you. Then read it again. (I’m only half-joking; I swear this point is a HUGE part of a smooth experience.)

Know your Budget and communicate it to the people at the shop(s) where you make appointments

True confession time: We went over budget on our wedding. (If my husband is reading this, he’s shaking his head ‘yes’ fervently. But here’s the thing: We went over our initial budget in areas we made a conscious decision to do so as the details of the planning process began to unfold. We had a small number of people at our wedding and wanted each person to feel throughout the entire weekend how much they meant to us and how blessed we are to have them in our lives. If you were there, I hope you remember your bellies and glasses were never empty. You probably also remember how cold it was, but that’ll be a topic for another Wedding Wednesday blog.

My dress didn’t feel like the place I wanted to go over budget. So I didn’t. I didn’t try on any dresses that were outside of the budget we set. Was there an even more beautiful dress than the one I bought? Probably- but that didn’t matter to me. I adored my dress and loved how I felt in it. That’s what mattered. I was blessed to have the budget I had and to be able to find that dress with the help of an expert like Lindsey at Maddison Row. It doesn’t matter what your budget is, there’s always a dress that cost more than that amount somewhere! Let it sit there and wait for someone else. Whether you have $100 to $100,000 to spend on a dress, don’t spend more than you can afford in that area and be honest with yourself about that. If you love your dress and feel special in it, there’s no amount of money on the planet that can pay for that. I promise.

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of pressure when you start on your hunt for the PERFECT dress. The dress sets a tone for the wedding. The dress represents your style. The dress is what you wear in all the pictures of one of the most important days of your life, but your wedding is about more than a dress, so be sure to spend way more time and energy focused on building a good foundation for your marriage rather than what you wear.

But oh girl- Be fabulous!

You can find Lindsey Principi at Maddison Row South in Charleston. While I did make appointment at 2 other salons, I ended up buying my gown, veil and accessories with Lindsey. She literally held my hand through every fitting and was a highlight of my wedding planning experience. This point isn’t sponsored by Lindsey or Maddison Row, and they had no idea I have written it. There are many amazing salons around, so wherever you go and wherever your perfect dress is waiting for you, I wish you nothing but the sweetest experience finding it!

Pop the bubbles and say YES to the dress!

Little White Dress

Shamelessly using Wedding Wednesday blog post as a reason to look back through my own bridal portraits captured by Virgil Bunao Photography.

Wedding dress shopping can be one of the most exciting yet daunting milestones on any bride-to-be’s wedding timeline. She grabs a friend or family member (sometimes an army of them) and makes an appointment at a shop to try on an array of dresses in search of the elusive “say yes to the dress” moment.

Did you ever wonder why Brides wear white (or colors in the white, cream, ivory family) on their wedding day? I did a little research and found it fascinating, so on this “wedding Wednesday” I thought I’d share a little wedding white trivia. (I found this information in various articles on wedding websites. One on bustle.com was particularly helpful with these facts.)

• England’s Queen Victoria wore a white dress to wed Prince Albert back in 1840, and in true trend-setter fashion sparked the ‘white on your wedding day’ style that is still the norm nearly 180 years later.

• She didn’t wear white to symbolize purity or virginity, but rather because she loved white. The white dress/virgin bride symbolism followed when it was mentioned in the Godey’s “Lady’s Book” about a decade later. It appealed to sentimental Victorians who idolized innocent brides and their pure white gowns. “It is the emblem of the purity and innocence of girlhood, and the unsullied heart she now yields to the chosen one.”

• Before Queen Victoria began the white dress trend, brides wore any nice dress they had. The color white was mostly unattainable for non-upper class brides for much of history because it was more expensive to obtain and difficult to keep clean.

• White was actually the color of morning for French royals. Mary, Queen of Scots caused quite an uproar when she wore white to wed the Dauphin of France in 1558. Her young husband died just two years later, and it was widely believed her white wedding gown had cursed him.

• Queen Elizabeth I was rumored to wear white for portraits because she was morning a suitor who died earlier in her life. Famously never wed, many supposed she wore white to send messages to other suitors that she was not interested in their proposals.

• Many brides chose to wear blue rather than white earlier in history because of its association with the Virgin Mary. This association also signaled purity (and more importantly didn’t show stains. This may be the origin of the need for ‘something blue’ on a wedding day.

Researching this topic opened the door to reading more about what other cultures believe and wear on the occasions of their weddings. I look forward to sharing some of that trivia with you in the future as well.