The Other Side of Pink

We’ve all come to know October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I’m about to be 41, and just in my lifetime breast cancer has morphed from something that affected someone you may know to something we ALL see or feel the effects of each and every day whether personally or through the experiences of others. We’ve been taught from a very early age about how important it is to do breast self-exams so we can become familiar with what feels ‘off’ if something were to change.

I’ve signed up for walks, donated to fundraisers, attended seminars and classes. Shop for a cause? Here. Take ALL my money. I’ll wear the ribbons, shout “Save the ta-tas,” and encourage others to do the same. Bonus? I LOVE PINK, and I love feeling like I can be part of something that helps someone who may receive a devastating diagnosis.

I’m wearing pink, see? I’m here for you. I’m saying prayers for you. I want you to know I see you and I hope one day we do get to celebrate the end of these appointments where women (and men) receive the news that changes their lives forever- that they have breast cancer.

What I didn’t realize until recently is that I may not actually be helping as much as I hoped or thought I was.

Not long ago a friend from college bravely let the world know she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. The type of cancer she was facing was aggressive. It was difficult to make respond to treatments and doesn’t boast the most encouraging survival rates. She met her diagnosis with an honesty about how much it sucked. She didn’t sugar coat what she was facing. Her posts and updates were raw and unfiltered, and continued to educate me on the true side of breast cancer that actually needs more awareness.

We all know breast cancer is out there. We know how many people it affects and how to get screened. My friend’s journey has shown me it’s time to take that awareness to the next level. That means we need to “Think before we Pink.”

I’m happy to report my friend has faced her diagnosis, treatment and post treatment reconstruction journey with the same honesty and openness every step of the way. She’s living her life, enjoying every single hilarious moment with her three young children and moving on from it as ‘normally’ as she can. From her I’ve learned:

• Cancer sucks. That’s it. It just sucks. There’s no dressing it up, down or all-around. Even in pink. IT SUCKS.

• 113 people die each day from Stage IV breast cancer.

• 4% of newly-diagnosed breast cancer patients are Stage IV at their initial diagnosis, and an additional 30% of patients who are diagnosed with early stage breast cancer will eventually metastasize.

• ONLY 2-5% of all funds raised for breast cancer is focused on research for those already in Stage IV. Read that one again, y’all.

Stage IV takes Mamas from babies, friends from friends, sisters from sisters, daughters from mamas, wives from husbands.

I got those bullet points from a post on my friend’s Facebook page. I had no idea such a small percentage of funds raised for breast cancer research is focused on helping those who may have the least amount of time to fight. Keep in mind that’s just 2-5% of funds actually donated to these organizations and that doesn’t take into consideration what an incredibly tiny percentage of funds changing hands through all the pink campaigns we see since much of those funds never even make it to a research organization.

From another of her posts I was reminded “Cancer is not always pink ribbons and celebrations of strength. We sometimes feel broken, jinxed, worthless, cursed, weak, heartbroken and tired.”

Make no mistake I’m not grateful that ANYONE has to face something like breast cancer regardless of what stage it is, but I am grateful to my friend and the strong warriors like her who are fighting who use their journey as a tool to teach me more about what it feels like to be in their shoes. I’m grateful she’s patient with people like me who truly mean well, but are still largely uninformed because we haven’t taken the time to learn more about this before it was in a Facebook status of someone we know and love.

So here’s what I’ve learned and would like to pass along to you in case you, like me, had no idea:

1. If you’re tempted to buy, do, or sell anything ‘for the cure’ or for ‘pink’ but you can’t find out how much of the funds generated by that effort actually make it to a research or support organization that directly impacts those currently in the fight, then you’re actually going to make much more of a difference to just make a direct donation to a worthy organization.

2. Does the pink item you’re purchasing even make a donation to a worthwhile organization, or is the company producing it doing something solely for ‘awareness?’ (See my statistics above. It’s time to take our awareness efforts to the next level so awareness can ultimately lead to ACTION.

3. Does the pink item you’re purchasing contain harmful chemicals or substances that may actually be connected to cancer-causing agents? (That one stopped me dead in my tracks. I hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility before.)

I’m not recommending you boycott the pink efforts this October or any month of the year. I’m simply suggesting we take time to be better stewards of our resources so any funds spent or donated have the absolute highest impact possible for the women and men we love who need it most.

My friend has posted about an organization called METAvivor, which works specifically to raise awareness, funds and resources for metastatic breast cancer (MBC.) METAvivor regularly launches campaigns to increase understanding about metastatic breast cancer to help increase funding for research focused on the already-metastized patient, and to advocate for improved benefits and treatments for those living with MBC. Benefits like the need for expedited Social Security and disability procedures for patients or increased rights to ‘try’ new treatments and therapies or even attainable health insurance that will meet the unique needs of their diagnosis.

I’m grateful to know more about METAvivor and am donating directly to the organization this October. I already have pink shirts (plenty of them!) I already have pink ribbons and bracelets and water bottles. What I need now is to know I’m doing anything I can to help someone already in the fight. If you’re interested in helping as well you can visit METAvivor to learn more or click here to be linked directly to the organization’s donation center. Here’s a statistic you can feel good about:

100% of your METAvivor donation goes directly to fund research grant awards for metastatic breast cancer research.

I've Got the Power[sheets]!

Goal setting for me was pretty easy when I was younger. If you think about it, the milestones are all sort of set for you.

Goal one: Crawl. Goal Two: Walk. Goal Three: Potty-train…skip a few- Learn to read, Drive, Graduate, Graduate again (maybe even graduate again?) Get job, Get promoted, repeat…

But what do you do to challenge yourself to grow once you’ve checked off all society’s boxes? What happens if the goals you set for your job end up not really being all that fun or fulfilling after all? How do you get off the merry-go-round of life and decide for yourself what’s the most important?

Even harder- Once you decide what you think is most important, how in the heck are you supposed to figure out how to make THOSE things happen? I’m not ashamed to tell you I found myself gripping the steering wheel in traffic on my way to work one morning wondering what in the world it meant if the things I spent all of my time talking about, focusing on or doing were completely different than the things I would say were actually the most important to me. How did that make ANY sense?

I’m blessed with the most amazing husband. When I tell you he’s my biggest fan, y’all I’m not kidding. He sees all the dreams I have for us and for myself as absolutes in our future, and he’s 100% supportive of all my zany ideas for how to make them happen. He challenges me when he thinks I’m shorting myself, and he celebrates with me when I realize a goal. That challenge part isn’t always easy- and it was his voice that kept prompting me to think differently; to take advantage of the opportunity to do something different. Simply stated- he begged me to dream bigger and go make THOSE things happen.

But I was so overwhelmed. For me, it became clearer and clearer that my dreams didn’t fit with the career path I was on at that time. If I didn’t work in an office, have a calendar full of meetings, hand out a business card with some silly title or answer 20 voicemails a day then how did I define who I even was? I clung to all the things I was comfortable with in my job because being busy kept me occupied. So guess what happens when you don’t change anything: The merry-go-round I was on just kept on turning. I wouldn’t get off. I needed a sign. (Isn’t that funny?)

I believe in signs because I believe that’s how God speaks to me. He created me, after all ; all my silly inner voices and doubts, and He knows I basically need to be hit over the head with the obvious to be able to really understand what His plan for me is. And so- I got a sign.

Scrolling through Instagram one day I came across a post from Southern Weddings magazine (which was my wedding planning “happy" website) about their sister brand Cultivate What Matters. The post was something so simple, yet so incredibly powerful. It stopped me dead in my scroll.

“You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them.”

Bam. There is was. “Okay, okay, okay” I thought. “I get it.” But in my head I knew that was SOOOOOO much easier said (or read) than done. So I did what any chronic Instagram-scroller does. I clicked the link to that profile and began exploring.

And that, my friends, was a click that changed my life. I’m not kidding.

I met Power Sheets that day, and I knew that was exactly what I was looking for.

I was good at the big ideas, but I’ve always struggled with the details on how to bring those big ideas to fruition. I over commit, and I often underestimate what I’m able to accomplish in a small period of time. I needed help getting to the big ideas with small steps I could better manage.

PowerSheets is a simple methodology of goal setting that helps you make tiny steps of progress that ultimately lead to big changes. Or growth. Or keeping something going. Or whatever it is that you decide matters most to you.

I dove in. I ordered PowerSheets for the coming year. Then I got overwhelmed again. The first month I set goals actually makes me giggle now. I basically wanted to run a marathon, save a million dollars, cure cancer and learn a new language by January 31. (That’s only a slight exaggeration.)

I accomplished none of those things, but did go an entire month without a Diet Coke- which was almost as momentous for me at that time. I read something on the website that reminded me ‘progress not perfection’ was the main emphasis of this system. So I started again in February.

I had to learn how to set goals that made sense for the season I was in. How to break those goals down into daily and weekly checkpoints to help me stay focused on the big picture. I had to learn to forgive myself if something didn’t get accomplished. I had to hold myself accountable to keep picking up the book to write down the next steps. I had to keep trying over and over again until I got it right.

So why is this important? Because I’m excited to order my next set of PowerSheets to help me continue making slow but steady progress on my goals for the year ahead. Can you believe 2020 is less than 90 DAYS away? The team who produces PowerSheets (Cultivate What Matters) is launching a new and improved version for next year. I can’t wait to get my hands on them.

I haven’t arrived at any sort of final destination. If I’m completely honest I’ve probably missed as many of my action steps as I’ve hit, but even those misses have taught me something. In the last few years I’ve taken lots of GIANT leaps of faith and lots of tiny steps all with the ultimate goal of keeping the important stuff at the top of my to-do list.

I’m reminded daily I’ve always had the power to do these things all on my own. But PowerSheets have brought me into a community of people who like me are striving daily to tend to the things they decide are important. We celebrate together and regroup together.

I’m not paid by the Cultivate team to push PowerSheets. If you know me well you’ve already heard me talk plenty about how I think they’ve helped me and why I think EVERYONE should use a system like this for themselves. I just believe in what they help me do.

I want to be clear that I don’t think being in a corporate job is a bad thing. It just wasn’t MY thing anymore. It wasn’t the only thing I identified I needed to change, but it’s the most visible change if you knew me a few years ago before all this has happened. Your goals don’t have to look like mine because what matters most to us doesn’t have to be the exact same thing. Whether you choose to utilize a tool like the PowerSheets or not, I simply challenge you to take a moment and think about what you spend your time engaged in doing, thinking about, talking about, or planning. Does it line up with what you’d tell a stranger is the most important thing to you?

If so, BRAVO dear friend. Send me your secrets! If not, you’ve always had the power, girl. It’s time to ‘Make it happen!’

My 2019 PowerSheets are filled with notes, scribbles, ideas, successes and ‘do-overs.’ This book is never far from me physically or mentally!

Apple Adventures

Last week over on the LetterJess Instagram page I asked you where some of your favorite apple orchards were, and I was excited to get a couple great suggestions from you. I thought it would be fun to do a short post that shares those with LetterJess readers in case you have time for an impromptu journey for some apple adventures!

Sky Top Orchard in Flat Rock, North Carolina

I attended my cousin’s wedding rehearsal dinner at Sky Top a couple years ago and was blown away by the sweeping panoramic views of the beautiful North Carolina Mountains. Located in Flat Rock (near Hendersonville or Asheville,) the orchard boasts offerings of freshly picked apples, grapes, pears and peaches- according to what fruit is in season. You can also watch as apple cider doughnuts are made in front of you or enjoy a hayride with your family/friends. The orchard is open daily from 9 am to 6 pm and the website linked above will give you more helpful hints on ways to plan your perfect apple adventure onsite.

Apple Orchard Inn in Saluda, North Carolina

Don’t you just ADORE a quaint Bed & Breakfast? South of Asheville lies the little town of Saluda, North Carolina which boasts its entire downtown on the National Registry of Historic Places. While enjoying a stay at Orchard Inn, you can enjoy dinner or brunch at Newman’s restaurant which has been noted to be one of the nicest restaurants in the area. Spa services are also available on site, and the Inn hosts weddings and events year round. I have never been to Apple Orchard Inn personally, but after researching this recommendation it’s getting added to my list of future weekend road trips!

Century Farm Orchards in Reidsville, North Carolina

Another apple adventure awaits if you’re able to make it to Reidsville, North Carolina for one of Century Farm Orchard’s open house days. The orchard is only open to the public a few days each year. This year the open house days are November 2, 9 and 16. The rest of the year, the orchard is a working apple and pear tree nursery specializing in old southern (and disease resistant) apple and pear trees. The orchard is recognized by the North Carolina Department of Agriculture has having remained in the owner’s direct family for more than 100 years (thus the name Century Farm.) Customers can purchase live apple and pear trees for delivery or pick up during those open house Saturdays. If you’re not interested in cultivating your own fruit, you can use the opportunity to visit the farm during open house to learn about apple/pear farming, see live demonstrations and (perhaps most important) try a number of different apple varieties. Did I mention BAKED GOODS?

Do you have your apple adventure planned yet? I’d love to hear if you try one of these spots or if you have other fun suggestions to share!